0:00:15.840,0:00:16.340

[Music]

0:00:19.500,0:00:26.760

hello and welcome to the Ally show. My name is 

Ali Eslamifar and I'm your host for this show

0:00:27.720,0:00:35.400

we are finally here with our episode 1 with 

Brad Winters, someone who I had the honor to

0:00:35.400,0:00:41.460

get to know him when I was working at Quizlet as 

a product manager and we ended up building on top

0:00:41.460,0:00:47.520

of their relationship and having great time 

as friends Brad was one of the first people

0:00:47.520,0:00:55.320

who actually pushed me for doing this show and I 

really appreciate his support to make this come

0:00:55.320,0:01:01.620

to reality and before getting to the show there 

is a little bit of a story that I wanted to share

0:01:04.200,0:01:10.320

to start this show I went through a lot of 

debates with myself on one hand there was this

0:01:10.320,0:01:18.360

amazing idea that I wanted to do this story 

of Pain connecting to people bringing their

0:01:18.360,0:01:26.700

story entering that to a community and on the 

other hand I was struggling with a lot myself

0:01:28.200,0:01:33.060

I was not feeling that this is something 

that I can do first and foremost because

0:01:33.060,0:01:43.860

this is a very touchy complex subject it can 

fail I may mess it up also I've never done

0:01:44.760,0:01:53.100

a podcast in English my mother tongue is 

Farsi I have a meditation podcast in Farsi

0:01:53.100,0:02:00.960

and it was really hard for me to put this content 

out go to interviews with folks and record it and

0:02:00.960,0:02:06.660

do it online it was different compared to 

the other settings that they had like I was

0:02:06.660,0:02:11.460

a product manager I was a product designer in 

the past and I interviewed people but it was

0:02:11.460,0:02:18.060

never recorded to go live this actually instead 

of keeping me excited about doing this project

0:02:18.780,0:02:24.240

it eventually made me a little bit more 

depressed that I had to be to start a new project

0:02:25.320,0:02:35.700

so there was this morning that I woke up feeling 

so depressed and I woke up telling myself that

0:02:35.700,0:02:44.400

you gotta bounce out of this project right after 

that I checked my phone and I saw a text from brat

0:02:46.020,0:02:56.340

where he was asking me hey buddy when are we going 

to record our episode and that really at a second

0:02:56.340,0:03:04.800

changed my feeling about what I wanted to do at 

that moment he was really an ally for me to get

0:03:04.800,0:03:12.660

out of my bad habit of bouncing out of projects 

and turning that to something that I can do

0:03:14.220,0:03:20.640

he gave me that confidence he gave me that support 

and he held me accountable for doing this show

0:03:21.600,0:03:27.120

and this is why I believe this is gonna work 

this platform we are going to hold each other

0:03:27.120,0:03:32.760

accountable to do something for our mental 

health it always starts from the baby steps

0:03:32.760,0:03:42.420

but I love to take all those baby steps with 

you all who are listening to this show foreign

0:03:52.260,0:03:57.720

of course if you're suffering from any mental 

health issues or you think you need help please

0:03:57.720,0:04:05.220

contact your mental health or medical experts this 

is a specific story is about the story of a loss

0:04:05.220,0:04:12.000

so if that's a sensitive topic to you please skip 

this one and hopefully join us for the next story

0:04:12.780,0:04:19.020

also please read through the disclaimers we have 

on the notes here for the show and the guests

0:04:19.560,0:04:24.900

and I'm not going to hold you for longer than 

this let's start our conversation with Brad

0:04:24.900,0:04:32.040

Winters I hope you stay through the end Brad's 

campaign is about running one mile run per day

0:04:32.880,0:04:37.800

all the links and instructions is added 

to the show notes please refer to those

0:04:38.520,0:04:42.040

let's start this first one together [Music]

0:04:49.380,0:04:57.720

well we are here with Mr Brad Winters you've been 

one of the first people I told about this idea and

0:04:57.720,0:05:05.640

you were so supportive in that fun sushi place and 

then uh I think like you willing to participate

0:05:06.420,0:05:11.220

um that that's that's super amazing to have 

the support we know each other from Quizlet

0:05:11.220,0:05:16.200

right there one of the coolest place I work 

with lots of great people uh unfortunately

0:05:16.200,0:05:21.480

I'm not there anymore but it's it's been such 

a great time yeah thank you Ali I'm excited

0:05:21.480,0:05:26.160

to be here and I think you're um this is 

right up here Ally I'm excited for you

0:05:27.240,0:05:33.240

so I you know as Ali mentioned we we worked 

at Quizlet together we were co-workers but

0:05:33.240,0:05:38.520

it doesn't I feel like the uh relationship 

we have doesn't feel like one of a co-worker

0:05:38.520,0:05:43.920

and I I so appreciate all of the how thoughtful 

you are all of the conversations that we've had

0:05:44.460,0:05:47.940

um and I you know when you shared this 

idea with me I thought this was so cool

0:05:49.380,0:05:56.340

um so I I guess some background on me I grew up 

in mostly in the midwest I spent most of my time

0:05:56.340,0:06:06.480

in a Chicago suburb called Naperville and uh I I 

made a good friend in my sophomore year of high

0:06:06.480,0:06:15.240

school uh a guy named me here at Poly and uh this 

guy was a character man I don't even know I he

0:06:15.840,0:06:25.080

was someone who across all groups of people all 

ages uh he just was able to connect with everyone

0:06:26.160,0:06:31.200

um he he was on the cross country team we ran 

cross country together and he ended up being a

0:06:31.200,0:06:39.180

captain of the cross country team and he started a 

thing called the formal Friday which is where the

0:06:39.180,0:06:45.180

football team would wear their jerseys on Fridays 

and you know obviously it's like the classic cool

0:06:45.180,0:06:50.820

guy football jersey and everything and we were 

like you know we should have a thing we should do

0:06:50.820,0:06:55.440

something and uh since we weren't as cool as the 

football guys we were like you know we're gonna

0:06:55.440,0:07:02.280

do we're gonna wear a button-down shirt with a tie 

tucked into our short shorts and we're just gonna

0:07:02.280,0:07:10.380

rock that to school and the entire Team guys and 

girls did this oh my there were like 200 people at

0:07:10.380,0:07:14.820

the school you know across both teams wearing 

these outfits and this was all like me here I

0:07:14.820,0:07:20.940

know it was oh it was so cool you had these like 

14 year old scrawny freshmen who probably were

0:07:20.940,0:07:26.040

looking at these football guys like oh they're so 

cool and then we were like this was our thing and

0:07:26.040,0:07:31.860

everyone everyone owned it and loved it and it was 

hilarious and it was fun there's this photo of us

0:07:31.860,0:07:36.900

of just the whole team outside of the school with 

the with the shirt and tie and the short shorts

0:07:37.560,0:07:42.600

um I want to see the info it was so fun I 

definitely want to see that yeah yeah and

0:07:42.600,0:07:49.380

and it was he just did things like that he 

uh he also ran for Secretary of the school

0:07:49.380,0:07:56.400

and his campaign was he cross-dressed and 

put lipstick on and just posted like almost

0:07:56.400,0:08:03.060

like risque secretary photos all over the school 

like a guy this guy was is just on another level

0:08:04.020,0:08:10.020

um and so and that's that's in your hometown skill 

level that's in my hometown for for those who I

0:08:10.020,0:08:16.500

know where where like yes as far as like Chicago 

where which side of Chicago yeah so it's uh 30

0:08:16.500,0:08:23.340

minutes west of Chicago 30 minutes West okay nice 

and how long you live there I live uh let's see

0:08:23.340,0:08:30.000

so I moved there when I was 13 and lived there 

through high school and then I went to college I

0:08:30.000,0:08:35.820

went to Northwestern which was 45 minutes north of 

Chicago or 30 minutes north of Chicago how how was

0:08:35.820,0:08:42.360

your experience at Northwest sir yeah absolutely I 

mean I I made some of the best friends that I have

0:08:42.360,0:08:50.580

there and it was incredible I think um I learned a 

ton I got a you know a very good education but it

0:08:50.580,0:08:59.160

I mean it was hard I especially coming from the 

like a public school in Illinois I didn't feel

0:09:00.240,0:09:06.300

it was hard it was a transition culturally it 

was difficult academically I think it took me

0:09:06.300,0:09:13.320

a while to feel like I fit in and like it was my 

home I think by the end I didn't feel that way

0:09:14.340,0:09:20.220

um but it certainly wasn't the you know you 

go to college in day one you're like this I'm

0:09:20.220,0:09:26.460

having the most fun of my life you know but I 

think in some ways it was good to force me to

0:09:26.460,0:09:33.300

go somewhere that was really challenging and and 

really learn how to how to grow and adapt and I

0:09:33.300,0:09:41.700

actually my my story of how I ended up there is 

actually very influenced by my friend me here he

0:09:42.240,0:09:48.180

Samir has an older brother named Drew who 

is I believe eight years older than we are

0:09:48.180,0:09:55.260

and he went to MIT and was super smart and 

then he worked in actually their admissions

0:09:55.260,0:10:01.680

office there and so he then fed me here all 

of his information on how to go through the

0:10:01.680,0:10:06.720

college process and you know we I mean we 

had great College counselors but they weren't

0:10:07.380,0:10:11.880

quite as equipped to help you get into 

a school you know a vet caliber and so

0:10:12.600,0:10:18.780

I remember when I was first taking my my 

standardized test I took my first practice test

0:10:18.780,0:10:24.660

and I this was what sophomore year of high school 

I took my first practice test and it was the act

0:10:24.660,0:10:31.680

and I got a 26 and it's out of 36 and I was like 

oh my gosh this is like like relative to my grades

0:10:31.680,0:10:37.860

it was a much uh it was like a pretty low it was 

well below my expectation um and I remember being

0:10:37.860,0:10:45.180

just so like taken aback and I was like okay 

I need to I need to change this and like um me

0:10:45.180,0:10:52.260

here was a really awesome coach in being like you 

can do this you need to do this you can do this

0:10:52.920,0:10:58.500

um and I I studied a ton he was super supportive 

and really kind of pushed me and then I ended up

0:10:59.100,0:11:06.360

I ended up taking it again and getting like a 34 

and I remember when that happened he goes he goes

0:11:06.360,0:11:12.960

come over we need to talk and uh he basically told 

me he's like so two things he's like one we're

0:11:12.960,0:11:18.780

gonna change all the schools that you apply to and 

you're applying to a whole new set of schools no

0:11:18.780,0:11:24.120

yeah yeah yeah right I mean this guy was like on 

another level and so he goes hey we're gonna you

0:11:24.120,0:11:29.760

know completely change that and he goes and then 

the other thing is this was now in the summer of

0:11:29.760,0:11:38.160

2010 so going into my senior year of high school 

I graduated in 2011 and he goes you know I

0:11:39.540,0:11:45.000

I want you to do like a there's like a summer 

internship that I was going to do I have two

0:11:45.000,0:11:50.400

different offers I'm gonna take this one and 

I want you to take the other one and he goes

0:11:50.400,0:11:56.760

if you do that and if you apply to these schools 

you will you will get in and I mean it was insane

0:11:56.760,0:12:02.880

like this I I seriously and I just followed his 

guidance I remember actually a conversation I had

0:12:02.880,0:12:07.740

with my parents after I I left me here's house 

it was almost like he was like calling me into

0:12:07.740,0:12:12.780

his office which was sitting in his basement and 

playing uh Xbox together while he well he schooled

0:12:12.780,0:12:19.980

me up on life lessons and uh and I remember going 

home and talking to my parents that night and I

0:12:19.980,0:12:24.180

remember with my dad being like I think this is 

the right decision but you know you're gonna make

0:12:24.180,0:12:29.100

a lot less money doing this internships I can I 

think I was paid like minimum wage but I had to

0:12:29.100,0:12:34.740

commute into Chicago to work at like a lab was 

what it was so I like went and worked as a high

0:12:34.740,0:12:39.540

school kid taking the train every morning to 

the city working in a lab and then coming home

0:12:39.540,0:12:44.100

wow all my friends made fun of me because I 

wasn't like I was most people were hanging

0:12:44.100,0:12:48.780

out during the day I mean it's still the summer 

you're pretty young and uh they called me dad

0:12:48.780,0:12:54.960

because I just took the train every day I was 

like a true like working class person yeah yeah

0:12:56.220,0:13:02.700

um and what made you take like what was special 

about that experience that you were willing to

0:13:02.700,0:13:10.200

take that train every day for it I mean I just 

trusted this guy he knew he knew what I needed

0:13:10.200,0:13:18.660

to do to get to where I wanted to go how did he 

know it his brother was a great role model and was

0:13:18.660,0:13:27.360

older and his he basically followed his brother's 

Playbook and like hacking yeah exactly yeah

0:13:28.200,0:13:33.240

so I was like uh and if I 

pronounce his name right mihir it's

0:13:33.240,0:13:43.200

m-e-h-e-r? m-i-h-i-r, and his full name 

was actually Mihirtesh okay yeah it's it's

0:13:43.200,0:13:52.620

interesting it's it sounds like had such sense 

of humor but at the same time he was like uh sort

0:13:52.620,0:13:58.920

of on top of everything like oh yeah what if you 

want to tell us a little bit about his background

0:13:58.920,0:14:06.180

yeah what made it that way yeah absolutely 

um so his parents were um Indian immigrants

0:14:06.780,0:14:14.580

and so and they went to college in India 

um they both had you know I think they

0:14:14.580,0:14:18.780

both work in like software engineering like 

technical jobs and we're very like sort of

0:14:18.780,0:14:25.620

in the somewhat standard like immigrant parent 

uh but child raised here born here raised here

0:14:26.700,0:14:37.020

um Paradigm he they were very traditional and 

focused on hard work and all of that and me

0:14:37.020,0:14:41.820

here had those aspects but also having been 

raised in America I don't know what I don't

0:14:41.820,0:14:49.020

know is what caused this kid to just be so like 

such just a like a spark plug of a personality

0:14:56.240,0:14:57.240

[Music]

0:14:57.240,0:15:03.060

we kind of jump off your great background I also 

want to want people to know a little bit about

0:15:03.060,0:15:08.640

like I mean we said you and I we both work at 

quizland but I think it's more as far as like

0:15:08.640,0:15:14.220

your professional background if you want to add 

a few things just feel free to uh tell a little

0:15:14.220,0:15:21.420

bit more about what you've done so I I guess 

I when I when I graduated from school I um I

0:15:21.420,0:15:26.940

studied industrial engineering and economics and 

I was sort of like you know what do I want to do

0:15:27.660,0:15:32.880

um I there was a there was a decision 

point that I had at that time which was

0:15:33.540,0:15:39.780

do I go I had interned at LinkedIn and I had a 

lot of fun there it was it was amazing and but it

0:15:39.780,0:15:43.500

was in like marketing and I studied engineering 

and so I'm like you know do I want to go there

0:15:44.700,0:15:50.100

um or do I want to go do something a little 

bit more technical to start and I knew that

0:15:50.100,0:15:56.220

I wanted to work in at an internet company I 

had such a good experience there I liked how

0:15:57.000,0:16:03.900

forward-thinking people were I like how things 

moved fast and it was a cool time to be there

0:16:03.900,0:16:08.520

I was there I worked at LinkedIn in the summer 

of 2014 and so obviously it was very established

0:16:08.520,0:16:15.480

but still much smaller than it is today and so uh 

you know at that time I said you know I wanted to

0:16:15.480,0:16:19.920

go well I had a great experience I ended up not 

returning and then going to work at Capital One

0:16:19.920,0:16:25.500

in like an analytics program out of school um and 

so that was cool I I moved I lived in Washington

0:16:25.500,0:16:31.800

DC doing that and what was really cool about that 

is from a from a skills perspective it was what I

0:16:31.800,0:16:37.980

wanted but it was also I moved to DC and I had 

like two friends I had a roommate that I knew

0:16:37.980,0:16:44.220

well from college and and then there were like 

one or two other people that we knew but it was

0:16:44.220,0:16:50.400

amazing because it forced me to figure out how 

do you make a life for yourself you know I moved

0:16:50.400,0:16:56.820

somewhere I don't really know a lot of people and 

uh everything through high school and college it's

0:16:56.820,0:17:03.060

it's a very structured social environment and 

then when you leave and you're just a you know

0:17:03.060,0:17:08.580

a person working in the world uh it's it's on 

you to figure out how to how to make a life for

0:17:08.580,0:17:14.580

yourself how to make friends and so um that was a 

really cool experience I ended up having a great

0:17:14.580,0:17:20.280

group of friends in DC I stayed there about two 

and a half years and really enjoyed it and really

0:17:20.280,0:17:25.680

felt like it was a place you know professionally 

I grew but I felt like a personal more personal

0:17:25.680,0:17:32.160

growth than in professional growth I would say um 

which was really great and then um in the in the

0:17:32.160,0:17:37.860

fall of 2017 I finally said okay I know I want 

to go back to an internet company I wanted to

0:17:37.860,0:17:44.220

live in the Bay Area and so I um I moved out here 

I worked at Facebook on the finance team there

0:17:45.120,0:17:50.940

um and I joined a team it was called the revenue 

forecasting and analytics team and uh right up

0:17:50.940,0:17:59.760

your alley yeah yeah it was it was really cool and 

it was something that I um I when I got the offer

0:17:59.760,0:18:06.720

I remember getting the offer and talking to my 

dad and sort of similar to when I when I was like

0:18:07.440,0:18:12.780

with with my test score and I had to work hard 

to get you know to figure that out and do better

0:18:12.780,0:18:19.380

I remember I got this offer I remember calling 

my dad and saying Dad I'm scared like I don't

0:18:19.380,0:18:23.880

think I can do this job like I think these 

people are way smarter than me I don't think

0:18:23.880,0:18:29.640

I'm ready for this and I said you know what 

if I go do this and I just I fail and he goes

0:18:30.300,0:18:37.260

he's like if they give you an offer and you have 

to take it like you gotta go do this and it might

0:18:37.260,0:18:42.120

be hard and that's okay but they wouldn't have 

given you an offer if they didn't think you could

0:18:42.120,0:18:50.820

do the job and so you should go do it and um I was 

like okay but I was scared I was really scared and

0:18:50.820,0:18:57.720

I remember I I went and I took this job I moved 

to San Francisco I you know I felt it was so cool

0:18:57.720,0:19:04.380

it was so fun I remember I drove every time I've 

moved as an adult I've driven just something I've

0:19:04.380,0:19:10.500

become very it's like it's such a fun liberating 

it feels like the right of passage to say I'm like

0:19:10.500,0:19:20.940

entering this new experience and so I uh I drove 

from DC to San Francisco 42-hour drive by myself

0:19:22.380,0:19:29.400

um got a bunch of stuff in my car and I remember 

it was such an amazing drive and I remember I you

0:19:29.400,0:19:36.120

know I called friends I listened to music I uh 

and when I got to San Francisco I mean I I was

0:19:36.120,0:19:40.620

just like oh my gosh like I'm here like this is 

so cool there's even something really funny I

0:19:40.620,0:19:44.880

was getting off the highway and I remember I 

saw a billboard it's right after you get off

0:19:44.880,0:19:51.960

the 101 kind of onto Market Street and I see this 

billboard and it just says cannabis reimagined and

0:19:51.960,0:19:59.520

I'm like I'm here nice welcome to the Greenland 

and so it you know and like it that was so cool

0:20:00.300,0:20:06.120

um the the team I I worked on I and it ended up 

being an amazing experience it was hard though

0:20:06.120,0:20:13.920

and I think that a a theme that I've noticed in my 

life is like it the way my dad describes this is

0:20:13.920,0:20:19.380

he calls them oh [ __ ] moments it's those moments 

where you need to put yourself in a position where

0:20:19.380,0:20:24.660

you go oh [ __ ] I'm not ready for this but 

you can do it but it's not gonna be easy and

0:20:24.660,0:20:31.560

it's gonna be hard and it's gonna freak you out 

a little bit but it it forces so much growth that

0:20:31.560,0:20:39.180

that you need to have those every every so often 

every couple years I found and so um I did that

0:20:39.180,0:20:43.500

it was great I remember I mean I remember though 

there was a time so most of the people I worked

0:20:43.500,0:20:47.160

with were all like ex-investment Bankers I'd 

never made a financial model before so I joined

0:20:47.160,0:20:52.200

this job we start these people are just cruising 

through don't listen to this yeah yeah right okay

0:20:52.200,0:20:57.600

I had no idea what I was doing and I remember 

I mean my my boss Brandon was so supportive

0:20:57.600,0:21:02.400

um and so it was Sam who was my first boss but I 

remember there was a time when we started going

0:21:02.400,0:21:07.860

into a really like rigorous period And I just went 

into a conference room one night and just started

0:21:07.860,0:21:13.080

crying and just called my parents and I was like 

I don't know what to do like I do not know how to

0:21:13.080,0:21:18.720

hang with these people because they've all done 

this before um and then the next day I I told

0:21:18.720,0:21:22.620

my boss and he just sat me down for two hours 

in a conference room and just like taught me

0:21:22.620,0:21:30.600

everything from scratch and and uh and I was like 

okay cool like this I I think I get it now and um

0:21:30.600,0:21:34.740

and that was a real turning point I think it all 

everything kind of started clicking after that

0:21:35.700,0:21:41.640

um so yeah that was a great experience um and that 

brought me out to to the Bay Area which I've been

0:21:41.640,0:21:47.920

here for almost five years um I was at Facebook 

for another like two and a half years [Music]

0:21:52.200,0:21:58.980

it feels like you you've established a 

relationship with your parents where they are

0:21:58.980,0:22:02.460

sort of like Consulting you and this is not the 

first time that I'm hearing that from you by the

0:22:02.460,0:22:08.460

way like I always hear like good things like hey I 

consulted with my dad like my grandma like this is

0:22:08.460,0:22:14.340

my grandma's birthday like tell tell me a little 

bit about that if if you're if you don't mind

0:22:14.340,0:22:20.460

because I feel like there's something there about 

you and like how you built that relationship and

0:22:20.460,0:22:29.280

what you see in it yeah totally um yeah I I mean 

my parents have been great Consultants supporters

0:22:29.280,0:22:34.260

everything throughout my life I think my dad 

in particular when it comes to work has been

0:22:35.460,0:22:44.100

um you know education work has been a really 

great just Mentor um he he he's a very like

0:22:44.100,0:22:51.720

supporting his family was everything to him 

and I think that that is very ingrained in

0:22:51.720,0:22:58.620

his DNA as like the my role as the father in the 

family is to provide and and help my kids grow as

0:22:58.620,0:23:05.760

you know as much as possible so it's really 

great and I think it helps so much to like

0:23:06.780,0:23:12.720

have those people in your life who are willing 

to who can help you who will listen to you

0:23:13.620,0:23:16.620

um you know if you want advice they'll give 

you advice if you don't want advice and you

0:23:16.620,0:23:23.340

just want to feel heard they'll do that too and 

my parents my sister my grandmother um you know

0:23:23.340,0:23:29.880

my grandfather passed away this year or last 

year but he uh he was was the same way and I

0:23:30.840,0:23:36.180

um it helps so much to have those people in your 

life and I think that you know as I think about

0:23:36.180,0:23:46.440

my experience with loss I it was it was even more 

true then and recognizing that like you you can't

0:23:47.280,0:23:53.040

solve all the problems yourself you 

don't know all the answers and like I

0:23:53.040,0:24:01.140

leaning on other people again even just as like a 

sounding board is is so yeah so huge that's that

0:24:01.140,0:24:08.160

that makes a lot of sense to me too to be honest 

like and the more I'm talking about this project

0:24:08.160,0:24:13.980

too A lot of people the more I see different 

aspects of it which originally is just an idea

0:24:13.980,0:24:19.320

hey just talk to people about their story of pain 

and what happens after and then the good things or

0:24:19.320,0:24:28.740

neutral thing that comes after that and I think 

this this is really this has been such a great

0:24:28.740,0:24:37.800

finding for me to just do this more and more like 

did we always carry some hesitations like I don't

0:24:37.800,0:24:44.040

know like for me it's definitely my insecurities 

yeah my my personal experience with being bullied

0:24:44.040,0:24:50.040

or whatever I always like try to hide a lot 

it was also like culturally not encouraged as

0:24:50.040,0:24:56.580

much whereas like I think coming to the U.S like 

this act by the way like today marks 10 years of

0:24:56.580,0:25:02.220

me being like Oh my gosh congratulations yeah 

it's like I think coming to this country like

0:25:02.220,0:25:07.500

I I started like getting exposed to kind of like 

different way of communicating and it took so long

0:25:07.500,0:25:13.800

to be honest like it's been very long it's been 

very hard to kind of like understand how to open

0:25:13.800,0:25:21.720

up how to open up enough to like to not regret it 

later kind of like build the steps and now I'm I

0:25:21.720,0:25:27.660

feel like I'm at the stage where like if I if I 

have the right uh friendship or relationship I

0:25:27.660,0:25:32.040

mean it doesn't have to be close friendship 

I started like okay this is this is a good

0:25:32.040,0:25:39.240

opportunity for me to open up Echo and hear it 

hear what I'm thinking and then allow other people

0:25:39.240,0:25:44.760

to tell me how I'm thinking and like you show me 

different Corners yeah which is very interesting

0:25:44.760,0:25:49.020

so I think it's it's one of those interesting 

things I personally learned in the American

0:25:49.020,0:25:55.840

culture and I'm so thankful for it also thankful 

to the friends that they had to hoped [Music]

0:26:01.020,0:26:07.200

so fast forwarding, I so applied to college 

I ended up going to Northwestern my friend

0:26:07.200,0:26:14.400

me here also I went to Northwestern it you know 

what's really funny is he gave me so much crap

0:26:14.400,0:26:18.960

that we were glad at the same school he was like I 

can't believe I were he was a much better student

0:26:18.960,0:26:23.460

than me to be fair but he's like I worked so 

hard and now we're going to the same school

0:26:25.680,0:26:32.100

he was actually too good of an advisor to me what 

did he a city for uh the same thing industrial

0:26:32.100,0:26:37.260

engineering yeah and so yeah so I mean it was 

you know we went to high school together we were

0:26:37.260,0:26:40.440

on the cross country team together we were good 

friends we go to college together with the same

0:26:40.440,0:26:49.980

major um we were you know and we hung out all 

the time and so uh in the let's see so summer

0:26:49.980,0:27:00.540

of 2014 uh July 19th 2014. um I well I guess it 

was the morning let me actually, can I double

0:27:00.540,0:27:09.900

check the date so I get a call from a high school 

friend Colin on the so it was the 19th by the way

0:27:09.900,0:27:19.560

or was it yeah, so it was now this is Sunday, 

July 20th 2014 I get a phone call from him and

0:27:19.560,0:27:29.100

um he told me that there was a car accident 

where um me here and our other friend Sajad

0:27:29.100,0:27:34.140

who we went to high school with but he went to 

a different College went to Indiana and then

0:27:35.220,0:27:42.600

they had been in a car accident and the two of 

them had passed away and there wasn't a lot more

0:27:42.600,0:27:56.520

information at the time um and I remember that 

feeling where all you can hear is white noise

0:27:57.480,0:28:09.540

like all that was in my head was like static 

and I just I I was living in Evanston so where

0:28:09.540,0:28:18.580

Northwestern is that summer and I all I 

remember is just like screaming [Music]

0:28:23.040,0:28:29.580

and I uh I didn't even know at the 

time that our so our a friend of

0:28:29.580,0:28:36.480

ours who went to college with us 

Mike he was driving the car and uh

0:28:38.700,0:28:48.900

what had happened was uh they had been drinking, 

he swerved off of uh bending Road uh and there was

0:28:48.900,0:29:00.960

a pond and uh the car went into the pond and um 

and uh mihir and sajad both drowned and then Mike

0:29:01.800,0:29:14.220

got out and survived um and there's no there 

are no words to describe the level of just shock

0:29:14.220,0:29:24.240

and Trauma in that in that moment when someone 

three people age 21 you know young and kids are

0:29:24.780,0:29:32.760

in it when that happens and um I was living 

with a few friends that summer and so I uh

0:29:34.740,0:29:43.440

has shared the news with them and uh it 

was the worst day of my life I mean I

0:29:44.160,0:29:57.300

again I just was in complete shock and um was 

so just broken as a person um and so you know as

0:29:58.440,0:30:04.140

the a few days later there was a there was 

a funeral and so that was uh in our in our

0:30:04.140,0:30:12.000

hometown and uh for there was one for me 

here and there was one for sajad and uh

0:30:14.040,0:30:22.020

I'll say like there were meer's funeral 

had I want to say like 500 people attend

0:30:23.100,0:30:31.140

um I was sharing this with you I he he worked 

at a job at the school he ran like a kind of a

0:30:31.140,0:30:36.240

school-run student shipping company so it's 

like in the summer students could store all

0:30:36.240,0:30:40.560

their stuff and then have it delivered to them 

when they when they moved back in in the fall

0:30:41.100,0:30:45.900

and he worked he did that and it was like a 

student-run company and they had a bunch of

0:30:45.900,0:30:52.020

people that they paid to help them move things 

and all of those people he used to he used to

0:30:52.020,0:30:55.860

hang out with these guys and you know drink a 

beer after work in the back of the truck together

0:30:56.700,0:31:00.540

all of those people showed up like and 

they weren't students they were just you

0:31:00.540,0:31:06.540

know people that they hired to work um and and I 

mean the level of impact that is that he had on

0:31:07.620,0:31:15.540

on so many people it was incredible um 

and so I was there with my family and

0:31:15.540,0:31:23.760

um I'm very close with his family and uh his you 

know we sat next to his parents and his brother

0:31:24.900,0:31:33.000

um it was very hard I I gave a speech and I 

remember just thinking that there's no way

0:31:33.000,0:31:41.340

I'm gonna be able to get up there and and say I 

mean what do you say in such a situation um but I

0:31:43.920,0:31:50.760

a thing that I learned and I or at least 

I I tried to keep a certain mentality, was

0:31:51.720,0:32:01.260

this person had such an influence on my life and 

made me a far better person than I ever could have

0:32:01.260,0:32:13.440

been without him and I kept trying to tell myself 

you know don't leave this situation worse off than

0:32:13.440,0:32:18.900

had he never been in my life at all and it's 

very hard but it's it's something where I think

0:32:20.520,0:32:26.760

having something amazing and then that thing 

going away you still had that thing that person

0:32:26.760,0:32:34.440

whatever first for that time and that was 

sort of what I conveyed when I I spoke at

0:32:34.440,0:32:40.200

the funeral and like that was I think a lot 

of that was what kept me as I was then going

0:32:40.200,0:32:46.740

through the stages of grief was something that 

I very much tried to keep as my motivation to

0:32:46.740,0:32:53.500

just keep every day getting through the day and 

and doing that over and over and over [Music]

0:33:14.640,0:33:20.760

that is um I mean I'm this is the 

second time I'm hearing this but

0:33:21.420,0:33:24.120

that's still nerve-wracking, especially

0:33:26.520,0:33:28.860

I feel like I

0:33:29.640,0:33:36.780

cannot like relate to this story personally, just 

on a personal level but also like on kind of like

0:33:38.460,0:33:43.860

just understanding like they make the Immigrant 

life like you know his parents like they came to

0:33:43.860,0:33:50.100

the country just like I did like try to make it 

live and it's I can't imagine how hard it's been

0:33:50.100,0:33:57.720

for them it's so tragic and like I cannot even 

empathize honestly with what you went through as

0:33:57.720,0:34:06.000

like someone who had such impact in uh such early 

ages of life with you you you mentioned something

0:34:06.000,0:34:15.120

about stages of grief like what are what were 

those for you in that experience yeah I mean I

0:34:17.460,0:34:24.900

you know like like most people going through the 

process it was there was an amount of denial at

0:34:24.900,0:34:34.260

the beginning right and I it took some time you 

know a few weeks to even just like recognize

0:34:34.260,0:34:42.180

that this happened and this person is not in my 

life so you're you know far from acceptance but

0:34:42.180,0:34:48.300

even just recognizing like this was a thing 

that happened that took a few weeks I mean

0:34:48.300,0:34:55.020

even that was like I I was just how could 

such a thing how did this happen right and

0:34:57.300,0:35:04.080

so I I sought out uh my parents 

were I I am so grateful for how

0:35:05.700,0:35:09.600

like Hands-On and supportive 

they were through this because

0:35:10.620,0:35:16.980

I I got a therapist like immediately and that 

was huge because I think that you know you don't

0:35:16.980,0:35:26.280

that you can't work through this on your own and 

it it's a all loss is unique to the individual

0:35:26.280,0:35:34.860

going through it but there is a process there are 

stages of grief and almost you know almost all

0:35:34.860,0:35:41.880

forms of grief follow those steps and so you know 

acknowledging that I think my parents were very

0:35:43.200,0:35:47.700

supportive and saying like you need to see 

a therapist and see that this person as much

0:35:47.700,0:35:53.100

as you need and but you need to have someone 

that you're you're seeing you know regularly

0:35:54.120,0:36:00.300

um and and that started you know a 

couple weeks after he passed away and

0:36:00.960,0:36:08.820

um I saw my therapist for about a year the 

whole school year um the following year and uh

0:36:10.800,0:36:18.420

but yeah I think the one thing that I a challenge 

of going through grief is that there is a it's a

0:36:18.420,0:36:28.500

balancing act of acknowledging that you need 

to give yourself the the space and the being

0:36:28.500,0:36:34.380

kind and easy to yourself so that you can have 

the necessary time to go through those steps

0:36:35.100,0:36:40.500

but also knowing that almost like a board game

0:36:41.340,0:36:45.000

there are it's sequential and there's 

a beginning and there's an end

0:36:45.600,0:36:54.000

and getting through those steps but doing so at 

a pace that allows you to not get stuck in any

0:36:54.000,0:37:00.420

one step so that you're still progressing through 

this process I think it's really important and I

0:37:02.220,0:37:10.140

I've seen people deal with loss and maybe not 

make it all the way through and and get stuck

0:37:10.140,0:37:17.400

and I think that I had so many you know friends 

family uh outside help like a therapist that were

0:37:17.400,0:37:23.040

so helpful even a bunch of my professors at school 

knew how close I was with him and we were in the

0:37:23.040,0:37:32.700

same major and so they I mean they were helpful 

too and um what is it what is it about I think

0:37:33.480,0:37:41.100

I think therapists we are all familiar with and 

we can get to it uh which by the way is not like

0:37:41.700,0:37:46.980

I I'm not a therapist you're not a therapist and I 

don't have anything to say but I think like that's

0:37:46.980,0:37:52.380

an interesting topic to also still talk about 

because a lot of people are hesitant to go to

0:37:52.380,0:38:02.460

but as far as like talking to close enough friends 

and professors and teachers people who knew you

0:38:02.460,0:38:11.160

like what was about that that could be helpful for 

you yeah absolutely it I think it gets it like you

0:38:11.880,0:38:19.740

there's only so much that you can do just as one 

person to get yourself through this process and

0:38:19.740,0:38:27.720

what what I found is that all people have dealt 

with loss of various forms and it was incredible

0:38:27.720,0:38:35.040

how much support I got and and how much people 

open up when you tell them that you're going

0:38:35.040,0:38:40.020

through something and they they share their 

experiences they uh provide perspective but

0:38:40.020,0:38:46.500

they also know you and they can understand you 

know not only their experiences but how how are

0:38:46.500,0:38:51.480

you doing through this process and how that 

they can help um and so I think that that was

0:38:53.760,0:39:02.040

it was huge I mean I just you can't do it 

alone and um and it felt like I learned a

0:39:02.040,0:39:09.060

lot from other people um but there were some hard 

days I mean some days where I'm just I couldn't

0:39:10.740,0:39:14.880

it felt like I couldn't to motivate myself to do

0:39:14.880,0:39:19.920

anything and then there were days 

where you know school and work were

0:39:20.940,0:39:28.320

a great distraction from how I was feeling and 

I think those distractions are really important

0:39:29.400,0:39:35.640

but also recognizing that you still have to 

go through the process of grief and you can't

0:39:35.640,0:39:41.760

just use work as a crutch to say like I'm not 

gonna I'm not gonna go through that process and

0:39:41.760,0:39:47.040

I'm just gonna go do this other thing yeah but 

it is it is a helpful crutch when you need it

0:39:51.020,0:39:52.020

[Music]

0:39:52.020,0:39:58.200

that's interesting because I think a lot of time 

people who get stuck and I'm not gonna make any

0:39:58.200,0:40:03.060

assumption because you still have the story to 

tell but a lot of time when people are stuck in

0:40:03.060,0:40:09.720

the loss is because they just use a lot of these 

distractions to not think about that specific

0:40:09.720,0:40:14.880

events especially when it comes to loss because 

your body is not even attached to it you don't

0:40:14.880,0:40:20.820

have any physical notes of it to carry around 

and like keep looking at like oh my God what

0:40:20.820,0:40:27.960

is that ah and then get get your trauma back like 

it's it's sort of easy to be distracted but there

0:40:27.960,0:40:35.040

are times that the time comes and you're like 

holy moly like how can I continue this day like

0:40:35.040,0:40:41.460

you just feel you just suddenly feel like a lot of 

pressure on your chest physically and I think like

0:40:41.460,0:40:48.660

what you're saying is very interesting is like 

yes those distractions are good but don't forget

0:40:48.660,0:40:57.480

that you have to you have to go through that 

process of dealing with the loss experience um

0:40:57.480,0:41:05.580

I think the other thing that's interesting about 

uh the pain that comes from losing someone is

0:41:06.600,0:41:13.440

at the same time that it's not your body but it's 

sort of feeling like your cycle of life like for

0:41:13.440,0:41:20.220

example with your experience it's been and me here 

who has been helping and if as a matter of fact he

0:41:20.220,0:41:26.100

has been making all the decisions for you right so 

he's been part of your brain in a way but so like

0:41:26.100,0:41:30.780

you you want to maybe go through making a decision 

and like he's just like and then those times

0:41:30.780,0:41:38.820

actually hit harder than usual like was there any 

situation like that for you absolutely uh there

0:41:38.820,0:41:44.700

were you know music is such an interesting way 

to like remember people remember times in your

0:41:44.700,0:41:54.540

life and he actually had said a long time ago that 

uh if if he ever passes away that he wants people

0:41:54.540,0:42:01.260

to listen to the Black Album by Jay-Z there you go 

and and which is maybe not the album you would you

0:42:01.260,0:42:08.280

would think someone like but but it's interesting 

I have now listened to that album cover to cover

0:42:08.280,0:42:15.540

like you know hundreds of times probably and 

It's actually an album that there's a ton about

0:42:15.540,0:42:26.520

loss and that's a very big theme in the album and 

it's it makes me remember him so like viscerally

0:42:27.720,0:42:31.860

um and I still I love that album I 

listened to that album all the time

0:42:33.060,0:42:37.260

um there are other songs that I would listen 

to and I just I would remember him and so it's

0:42:37.260,0:42:42.300

like things like that very much like lock some 

of those memories in time where you can just

0:42:42.300,0:42:49.320

like so easily go back to nine years ago I 

was here and this reminds me of that time

0:42:50.280,0:42:55.860

I probably find that I'm 

someone who indexes more on like

0:42:57.600,0:43:06.900

trying to push myself along in the process and 

and be like you know how can I live on in his

0:43:06.900,0:43:13.140

memory I'm probably more on the end of someone 

who would use other things as a way to block

0:43:13.140,0:43:21.420

this out of their mind than you know get stuck in 

one of the steps and I'm so grateful for having

0:43:22.440,0:43:31.920

like having people who recognize that and would 

like help me along in in these stages as I went

0:43:32.880,0:43:37.680

um because you're you're going through it with 

all of your friends you're like a cohort of people

0:43:37.680,0:43:46.440

all going through this together and some days I 

felt like I was the one who was broken and needed

0:43:46.440,0:43:50.880

someone else to help me and and some days you're 

the you know it's the other way and you're you're

0:43:50.880,0:43:57.120

his friend is really struggling and you help them 

I spent a lot of time on the phone with his family

0:43:57.120,0:44:02.940

and you know and they they lived in our hometown 

and so it was very easy to go see them and so I

0:44:02.940,0:44:08.940

saw them a lot and I mean I love them they're such 

great people but it was hard it was really hard it

0:44:08.940,0:44:14.340

wasn't easy those I mean there were times I'd go 

to their house and we would just sort of sit there

0:44:14.340,0:44:23.160

at you know for for minutes on end not saying 

anything and just crying or just you know but

0:44:24.060,0:44:30.660

being with them having any you know just 

companionship someone who knew their son

0:44:30.660,0:44:40.680

someone they loved so well uh you know and they 

were so supportive you know of me and uh you know

0:44:41.580,0:44:53.040

yeah you you mentioned uh your parents kind of 

like uh providing that confident presence and

0:44:53.040,0:45:00.660

then kind of like connecting you to therapy like 

however you're comfortable sharing some of that

0:45:00.660,0:45:06.420

experience in therapy because I feel like a lot 

of people they that I know they haven't had even

0:45:06.420,0:45:13.980

a single therapy session and yes I know there 

are so many things against it like there are

0:45:13.980,0:45:21.060

so many excuses to not do it and it's not always 

going to be perfect yeah it's just like any other

0:45:21.060,0:45:25.800

story of life like you go to a restaurant it's not 

going to be perfect but sometimes it's actually

0:45:25.800,0:45:32.160

a very very good food so like how how has that 

experience been for you however you want to share

0:45:32.160,0:45:40.800

about your therapy sessions like absolutely 

you know I think that the way I think of a

0:45:40.800,0:45:50.520

therapist is it's just a a neutral third party 

so a wonderful sounding board who is trained in

0:45:51.480,0:45:58.260

ways to help people in various you know 

living their life challenges or not you know

0:45:58.800,0:46:06.900

um and I think that and they and they've seen a 

lot they have a lot of perspective on you know

0:46:07.860,0:46:12.420

um other people's lives and how they've dealt 

with different you know circumstances and so

0:46:13.680,0:46:20.580

it almost felt like it's just a like like you 

know when you have a good conversation with a

0:46:20.580,0:46:27.540

friend like we've had sometimes that feels like a 

therapy session right and so I think uh for me it

0:46:27.540,0:46:33.960

was just like having that person and it's the 

consistency of it too it's building a rapport

0:46:33.960,0:46:40.560

with someone who understands you understands uh 

you know where you are in your life if you're

0:46:40.560,0:46:45.660

going through something like loss kind of 

helping you through that that process and

0:46:47.040,0:46:50.220

and it was really great and I 

I think it was something that I

0:46:51.660,0:46:59.940

um you know I saw this person for about a year um 

was extremely helpful and and then I stopped but

0:46:59.940,0:47:06.000

it's something that in some ways I kind of wish I 

still you know it was helpful to have even when I

0:47:06.000,0:47:11.940

felt like I was feeling better to have someone 

to check in with and so um that's something

0:47:11.940,0:47:17.220

that I even would like to do more of is probably 

have someone that I check in with every so often

0:47:18.060,0:47:24.900

um you know what was some of the sort of just just 

to help everyone to get a picture of a therapy

0:47:24.900,0:47:32.280

is not scary yeah what was kind of some of the 

conversations you may have like where where those

0:47:32.280,0:47:39.120

conversations went like without saying specific 

if you totally I in a way it didn't feel all that

0:47:39.120,0:47:45.420

different from some of the things we're discussing 

it it was you know you go to go to an office

0:47:45.420,0:47:52.920

you sit in a room sit on a couch something like 

that and um I mean a lot of it initially was to

0:47:52.920,0:48:00.840

understand my background understand my upbringing 

uh understand the relationship that I had with me

0:48:00.840,0:48:06.180

here you know to help with this circumstance 

but a lot of what one thing I realized that

0:48:06.180,0:48:15.540

was really uh important is to understand how you 

handle your life is to understand how you were

0:48:15.540,0:48:21.180

raised experiences you've had past trauma that 

you've had and I think it's it's one of those

0:48:21.180,0:48:27.360

things where it's very easy to think to kind of 

like have a recency bias in your life where you

0:48:27.360,0:48:34.020

forget that like the way you are now could be 

because of something that happened 20 years ago

0:48:34.560,0:48:42.180

and or or the you know the way you were raised 

when you were a child and so I think that was one

0:48:42.180,0:48:48.300

thing I took away from it which is like you are 

a product of many years you know your entire life

0:48:48.300,0:48:54.780

and and that's one thing and then the other thing 

is just once you kind of get to a point where that

0:48:54.780,0:48:57.840

you know that person understands you and your 

background and something you're going through

0:48:58.680,0:49:08.100

there were a lot of like techniques that she could 

use to to help me think through something that

0:49:08.100,0:49:14.400

I just didn't have didn't know and so um and 

also just being knowledgeable in the process

0:49:14.400,0:49:21.000

of grief and knowing the steps knowing what's a 

you know a normal amount of time I mean no loss

0:49:21.000,0:49:26.340

is normal but like what do you see as a standard 

amount of time that someone might spend in each

0:49:26.340,0:49:33.120

of these stages to be able to say Hey you know 

are we at risk of maybe getting stuck in one of

0:49:33.120,0:49:39.420

these places and how can we keep you um you know 

moving along and and coming to terms with this

0:49:39.420,0:49:46.260

that's amazing you mentioned something that I'm 

such a big believer like about like this recency

0:49:46.260,0:49:54.240

bias that we have the way that we are reacting 

to that experience it's not just because we lost

0:49:54.240,0:50:02.820

someone that we loved so much in that day which 

is still a big deal but it's also because how

0:50:02.820,0:50:11.220

our brain yeah and how our mind and body even 

like we're trained in the past few many years

0:50:11.220,0:50:18.960

to react and potentially save us on that day 

that the event happens so like we we had all

0:50:18.960,0:50:26.460

like when we were 21 let's say you had 21 years 

of training good or bad however it was to get to

0:50:26.460,0:50:31.980

that day to survive in that day and you survive 

for the most part and for some part you needed a

0:50:31.980,0:50:37.800

therapist and friends and then you you're you're 

you're good after it so it's I think it it's that

0:50:37.800,0:50:42.720

piece that people sometimes forget and I even 

didn't know like when I personally dealt with

0:50:43.320,0:50:49.080

the experience of loss like I just felt like okay 

yeah I lost my dad and that naturally I have to

0:50:49.080,0:50:59.100

be sad but there are layers there was layers of 

uh trauma that kind of like unwrapped over even

0:50:59.100,0:51:05.700

now it's been nine years from my dad's loss and 

I'm still unwrapping some of those like there

0:51:05.700,0:51:12.660

are nights that I wake up with like some memories 

and I'm like how did my brain block this like and

0:51:12.660,0:51:19.680

I think like that that kind of like that's the 

important part where I think going through that

0:51:19.680,0:51:25.440

therapy or talking to friends yeah there's nothing 

more helpful than that to be honest kind of like

0:51:25.440,0:51:32.880

taking your brain taking your learnings out right 

and like put it on the Whiteboard yeah when it

0:51:32.880,0:51:38.760

comes to grief it's one of those interesting 

topics because there's so much about the event

0:51:38.760,0:51:45.360

itself especially if it's that traumatic like 

what happened to me here and how close you were

0:51:45.360,0:51:52.380

to him like the event itself is so traumatic that 

you you forget about why you are reacting the way

0:51:52.380,0:51:59.880

you are reacting or like when you when you go deep 

it's like so many interesting things um yeah a lot

0:51:59.880,0:52:05.280

along that line I'm kind of like curious if first 

of all if you if you have anything to say about

0:52:05.280,0:52:15.480

this too is how do you see how you reacted to your 

past yeah um so this is where other other people

0:52:15.480,0:52:23.700

are just so helpful therapists friends family it's 

like you can there's only so much that you can

0:52:25.800,0:52:35.460

understand about yourself being in your physical 

body and mind like it it there is so much value in

0:52:35.460,0:52:41.760

just someone who isn't you looking at what you're 

doing what what you're thinking and being able

0:52:41.760,0:52:47.640

to say Hey you know okay I get this I don't get 

this here's how I did this even just one person

0:52:47.640,0:52:53.940

you know just breaking out of it just being you 

and so and then if you have multiple of those

0:52:53.940,0:52:58.800

people and and and you you know and they can 

help you I mean that's that's so important and

0:52:58.800,0:53:04.740

so I think it's like you're not in this alone 

a lot of people have gone through loss like I

0:53:06.300,0:53:14.160

in a way as difficult as this was there were 

certain parts of my like outlook on the world

0:53:14.160,0:53:23.400

that improved like I had more faith in humanity 

when I saw how many people were willing to

0:53:24.300,0:53:32.280

talk to me about their loss and their relationship 

with loss and how accommodating people were

0:53:32.880,0:53:38.880

um the the woman Dr Jill Wilson if you're 

listening uh she ran our our industrial

0:53:38.880,0:53:45.660

engineering department was incredible she was 

so accommodating with me about my classes and

0:53:45.660,0:53:54.960

everything and I just it was amazing how much 

how helpful everyone was and so I you know

0:53:54.960,0:54:00.900

it can be hard but I it felt like many of 

my relationships actually got better it's

0:54:00.900,0:54:08.880

like I lost an incredible relationship but 

I gained tens 20s you know maybe a hundred

0:54:08.880,0:54:15.660

better relationships I'm much closer with me 

here and his family and I don't think we would

0:54:15.660,0:54:21.580

ever be as close as we are now had we not been 

through this together that's amazing [Music]

0:54:29.400,0:54:37.140

two thing one is how learning from this 

experience yep change if anything in your life

0:54:38.040,0:54:45.900

two is how how how are you going to keep yourself 

up like consistent like this these things are not

0:54:45.900,0:54:50.520

going to go away from your brain yeah absolutely 

how are you going to keep yourself up like and

0:54:50.520,0:54:55.200

then like and then we can we can maybe make 

from that but do you have anything else in mind

0:54:55.200,0:55:04.260

yeah no I think that sounds great I so I when 

this happened I was in the in the middle of uh

0:55:04.800,0:55:11.580

interning at LinkedIn that summer my team there 

was amazing my mentor Charisse was awesome and

0:55:11.580,0:55:17.640

I mean like, again just like the accommodations 

and just people's like willingness to help was

0:55:17.640,0:55:24.360

so great and so I that was a very hard summer we 

go we go back to school it's you know senior year

0:55:24.360,0:55:31.680

of college it was supposed to be this amazing 

fun time and I uh it was very difficult and I

0:55:31.680,0:55:36.480

you know there were things that we did on campus 

there was like a vigil and all of the you know

0:55:37.320,0:55:45.120

um but it was it wasn't sort of the standard 

great senior year that everyone thinks about

0:55:45.120,0:55:54.000

but I again what kept me grounded was 

I can't be worse off for having known

0:55:54.000,0:56:00.540

this guy and I would even joke with myself I'd 

even say look if he knew how much I was crying

0:56:00.540,0:56:06.960

right now he would make fun of me so bad you 

know and I'm just like I can't you know and so

0:56:08.460,0:56:14.580

and it's you just keep on keeping on and you just 

keep pushing and you keep you know some days you

0:56:14.580,0:56:20.400

distract yourself some days you sit in your room 

and cry all day and you can't you know feel like

0:56:20.400,0:56:26.520

you do anything and and you just keep the great 

people in your life and you just keep going and

0:56:28.980,0:56:35.280

and that I mean I think that that was the the 

formula that I really followed and you know

0:56:35.280,0:56:39.780

consistently I saw a therapist every week 

and I think eventually moved to monthly

0:56:40.800,0:56:46.140

um but it was every week for six months or 

something it was a long time it was a lot and

0:56:47.340,0:56:51.240

you know even the process of just finding a 

therapist I saw a handful of people before

0:56:51.240,0:56:57.000

I found someone that I yeah what was that 

process look like you know it's hard because

0:56:57.000,0:57:01.800

you don't if I had never had a therapist 

before I I didn't know I didn't know what

0:57:01.800,0:57:09.960

I didn't know what I didn't know and so I found 

that it was uh but what what's interesting is

0:57:11.580,0:57:17.640

when you have the first meeting if you don't 

feel like a warmth and a connection that works

0:57:17.640,0:57:23.460

for you it's probably not going to and 

so don't one thing I tried to do is not

0:57:25.320,0:57:29.820

convince myself that maybe something would 

change and it would work I tried to be like

0:57:29.820,0:57:35.880

look if I don't feel this connection there's no 

sense in trying to force through it so we should

0:57:35.880,0:57:41.160

just move on and there there's also this whole 

challenge of like the therapist breakup you know

0:57:42.180,0:57:47.520

and I think with that it was you know it's 

I had to tell myself and recognize like this

0:57:47.520,0:57:52.260

is a business for them this is their career 

they're gonna get they're going to get new

0:57:52.260,0:57:57.420

patients they're gonna lose patience and that's 

just how it goes and uh and so trying to be very

0:57:57.420,0:58:03.060

honest and open about like and come to a pretty 

quick decision of like do I do I connect with

0:58:03.060,0:58:07.620

this person and if I don't then let's let's keep 

going because there's many of them to choose from

0:58:07.620,0:58:12.720

and and finding one that you connect with like 

putting in the additional time the additional

0:58:12.720,0:58:19.380

work up front to finding the right person it pays 

off in Spades over the long term because you're

0:58:19.380,0:58:23.580

gonna I mean you're gonna talk to this person 

every week for six months about the hardest

0:58:23.580,0:58:28.920

thing you've ever gone through yeah so it's it's 

kind of actually I think it's very important to

0:58:28.920,0:58:35.100

know yes finding the right therapist is hard 

but it's sort of like it dating and we hear

0:58:35.100,0:58:41.400

this a lot absolutely it's worth it if you're 

dating someone uh and it doesn't work that's

0:58:41.400,0:58:46.260

fine because at least you're not going to spend 

the rest of your life with them yeah right like

0:58:46.260,0:58:52.920

you go in on enough dates and you invest enough 

so that you find the right person for you and for

0:58:52.920,0:58:59.160

them you tell this person potentially more than 

you tell anyone right I mean this this might be

0:58:59.160,0:59:04.860

the person that you share the most with of 

anyone in your life that's crazy right and

0:59:04.860,0:59:12.240

so uh the the upside is really high if you if 

you find the right person and on the on the

0:59:12.240,0:59:17.160

other end of it the downsides are really low 

if it doesn't work because this can be such a

0:59:17.160,0:59:23.280

powerful and you know tools and resources that it 

yeah getting it right is really important yeah

0:59:32.720,0:59:33.720

[Music]

0:59:33.720,0:59:42.360

how are you dealing with post uh trauma 

experiences from that event like are there

0:59:42.360,0:59:48.120

days that that memory comes back 

if so like what are what how how

0:59:48.120,0:59:55.620

is that experience yeah and then how how 

you keep yourself back up yeah you know I

0:59:56.400,1:00:03.480

so it will be nine years this July and 

I you know that's a long time but I

1:00:04.620,1:00:11.760

feel like even just in in thinking about this 

conversation today I mean I I've cried now I've

1:00:11.760,1:00:18.000

cried earlier in the day and I uh there's still a 

lot of emotion and I think there always will be I

1:00:19.020,1:00:27.180

you know I a theme you know again is just 

like how do you put a a positive spin on

1:00:27.900,1:00:34.500

what the experiences that you had with that person 

and bringing them with you and you know maybe you

1:00:34.500,1:00:38.820

just lost the funniest person you've ever met 

and now your friend group baby isn't as funny as

1:00:38.820,1:00:45.540

they used to be like you know did take some of his 

jokes with you right and uh you know I think again

1:00:45.540,1:00:51.540

music there's so much music every time I listen 

to Jay-Z or you know I mean he loved hip-hop music

1:00:51.540,1:00:59.280

I uh I will I think of him and so it's there's 

always going to be emotion that's you know it's

1:00:59.280,1:01:05.220

going to exist and I think trying to think about 

the positives think about a funny joke and laugh

1:01:05.220,1:01:13.800

I mean I laugh to myself about jokes that he made 

all the time like regularly I get this it's like

1:01:14.460,1:01:21.180

the two thing I hear you're saying is like one 

is to acknowledge it and let the emotion go

1:01:21.180,1:01:27.540

because a lot of time we just try to kill that 

emotion right there that that's amazing too is

1:01:28.140,1:01:33.900

fight using that as an opportunity to remember 

him yeah in a good way I think that's that's

1:01:33.900,1:01:40.740

what we forget like those people made an impact 

in our lives and it's great to be remembered uh

1:01:40.740,1:01:46.260

following that I'm kind of wondering how did 

that event and what you learned from it and

1:01:46.260,1:01:52.080

to going through this kind of like uh made a 

change in your life about other relationships

1:01:52.080,1:02:01.440

you may have yeah certainly I think there's I 

it's it's kind of the whole uh like you know

1:02:01.440,1:02:06.600

hug your family a little tighter when you see 

them you know and I think it's it's like really

1:02:07.860,1:02:19.860

life is very fragile and while we are very durable 

resilient creatures you can die in a moment's

1:02:19.860,1:02:27.240

notice you drive a car every day you can crash 

and die that you know and that that is a thing

1:02:27.240,1:02:33.360

that could happen and it happens a lot way more 

than it should and so I I think it's recognizing

1:02:34.080,1:02:43.320

how lucky we are to you know be alive in this 

place and the beauty of Life while also not

1:02:43.320,1:02:50.580

taking for granted just like how fragile life 

is how fragile your health is and taking care

1:02:50.580,1:02:55.080

of yourself telling loved ones you appreciate 

them staying in touch you know calling picking

1:02:55.080,1:03:02.700

up the phone and calling someone to catch up with 

them I think I put more of an emphasis on that now

1:03:03.960,1:03:15.420

um the other thing too is I think more now about 

the memory I want to leave behind and it wasn't a

1:03:15.420,1:03:23.760

thing I ever really thought about and it it I it's 

from this experience but I do often think like you

1:03:23.760,1:03:30.060

know if I were to pass away how do people remember 

me and I think trying to be a good person have

1:03:30.060,1:03:37.500

good relationships and live a life that you are 

proud of and if it today if it were to end like

1:03:37.500,1:03:43.560

is is that a are you happy about the memory that 

you're leaving with others yeah that reminds me

1:03:43.560,1:03:51.780

of that Avicii song my father told me yeah yeah 

exactly uh yeah it's it's it's very interesting

1:03:51.780,1:04:00.600

it's a it's like in a way it it feels like and not 

to just jump right into a conclusion but it feels

1:04:00.600,1:04:09.060

like every loss and your story is similar to again 

to to mine and like a lot of other people that I

1:04:09.060,1:04:15.780

hear their stories closely which is like hey it's 

like now looking at perspective I lost this person

1:04:16.980,1:04:23.280

um they were very close to me but hey I have a 

new appreciation for Life yep like after that

1:04:23.280,1:04:30.120

event and after dealing with the trauma of it 

I try to spend more quality time with my family

1:04:30.120,1:04:36.480

or friends I try to do this I try to take care 

of my body yeah more and more I try to do this

1:04:36.480,1:04:43.080

I try to tell my friends don't drink and drive 

consistently so that that thing doesn't happen

1:04:43.080,1:04:50.940

it's like the the good that comes from massive 

grief I think if we are pink this is my idea if

1:04:50.940,1:04:56.040

we're paying so much cost for those events which 

we have to like these are hard events like at

1:04:56.040,1:05:02.160

least let's get the best out of it in liangron 

yeah with its such Investments by dealing with

1:05:02.160,1:05:08.160

the pain and for you it took about a year and 

for for me or someone else more or less we

1:05:08.160,1:05:13.440

invested enough it's like financed like you're 

the expert here like we invest enough in this

1:05:13.440,1:05:20.460

situation that let's get the best out of it and it 

feels like that's what's been the case for you but

1:05:20.460,1:05:28.680

in general how do you keep your mental health 

in a sane State like how how can you make sure

1:05:28.680,1:05:34.440

like okay Brad's mental health is good and I know 

for a fact you're someone who cares about it so

1:05:34.440,1:05:43.080

much so what are some of the tactics you use on 

a daily basis yeah certainly um so I think that

1:05:44.640,1:05:55.680

it's important to understand the inputs to your 

body and your mind and then how that impacts the

1:05:55.680,1:06:02.700

outputs how you feel how you your energy levels 

your mood uh your you know your physical health

1:06:02.700,1:06:11.100

and I had a day like five years ago is when I was 

I was at that job and this was actually I think

1:06:11.100,1:06:17.280

at Facebook I think it was after the week where I 

think I cried and called my parents and I was like

1:06:17.280,1:06:23.760

oh my gosh this I'm so overwhelmed these people 

are so much smarter than me how can I do this and

1:06:23.760,1:06:29.220

so I told myself that Saturday I said I'm gonna 

take a mental health day and what I call a mental

1:06:29.220,1:06:35.640

health day to me was I'm gonna just walk around 

the city I'm gonna and I'm gonna do whatever makes

1:06:35.640,1:06:42.420

me happy I sat in a park for a few hours and one 

thing I I wanted to do was I wanted to write down

1:06:42.420,1:06:50.280

the inputs to my body and then the outputs and how 

it made me feel and so the inputs were exercise

1:06:51.360,1:06:56.160

sleep hours worked or just 

like how much I've been working

1:06:57.300,1:07:04.800

time with family and friends so those four and 

then alcohol consumption or coffee or anything

1:07:04.800,1:07:12.060

like any like sort of things that make you feel 

bad and so it was those five things and I said

1:07:12.960,1:07:18.000

these are the inputs to oh and actually there 

was a six one it was being outside uh and time

1:07:18.000,1:07:26.220

outside and so there were six things and so um and 

wait did I say there was exercise too there were

1:07:26.220,1:07:30.780

like there were like six or seven things anyway I 

wrote all these inputs down and I said these are

1:07:30.780,1:07:39.180

the factors these are the things that like make 

me feel I can map how I feel to these things and

1:07:39.780,1:07:46.800

um I basically then I try to keep that list in 

my head and kind of know like where am I on these

1:07:46.800,1:07:52.680

various things and it's like you can hack certain 

things for a period of time but it won't work

1:07:52.680,1:07:57.900

forever you could be like ah I'm not gonna sleep 

that much and I'm gonna drink more coffee but you

1:07:57.900,1:08:02.580

know that that system breaks after you're like 

oh yes you know you can't do that I'd do forever

1:08:02.580,1:08:08.880

right especially when you pass 30. yeah yeah I'd 

only gets harder as you get older right laughs

1:08:12.000,1:08:20.460

so it's exercise diet spending time 

with friends and family work sleep

1:08:21.900,1:08:31.320

time spent outside and alcohol or coffee exactly 

versus that hydration yeah exactly yeah because

1:08:31.320,1:08:36.480

that that's like one of the big ones for me to 

be honest like hydration is magical yeah that's

1:08:36.480,1:08:42.480

a good point and so yes and those things they're 

they're so important and what I've realized is

1:08:42.480,1:08:50.760

that you like like tracking those things for 

you and the other thing though is I while the

1:08:50.760,1:08:56.760

set of things might be fairly consistent 

across people and you know some different

1:08:56.760,1:09:01.020

variables for different people for the most part 

I think that doesn't change as much as how does

1:09:01.020,1:09:06.720

your body what level of input and what's the 

level of output that that yields right like

1:09:06.720,1:09:12.060

some people can sleep five hours and be really 

productive some people need to sleep nine hours

1:09:12.060,1:09:17.580

to be productive so knowing where you are it's 

almost like what's the weight of each of those

1:09:17.580,1:09:23.160

things right and how does that then impact how 

you feel uh your energy levels your mood and so

1:09:24.420,1:09:29.640

really having an understanding of that and then 

there's certain things where it's like if the

1:09:29.640,1:09:34.680

weight is really high like I'll have a weekend 

where I say I'm gonna spend a ton of time with

1:09:34.680,1:09:41.400

friends this weekend is a great example of that 

uh I probably did really great on the time with

1:09:41.400,1:09:47.580

friends and family one but I also failed miserably 

On the Alcohol one yeah but I'm really happy for

1:09:47.580,1:09:55.560

it so I think recognizing that and saying hey 

that's okay because I know I'm gonna be so

1:09:55.560,1:10:01.200

happy I saw Ali I saw Katie and Mike I saw all my 

buddies you know it's like I saw all these people

1:10:02.160,1:10:07.740

and I know that will make me really happy I 

know that will uh make me feel good so I try

1:10:07.740,1:10:13.620

to really balance those things and I I also 

think I mean I think consistently exercising

1:10:14.220,1:10:21.660

it no matter what amount even if it's like run one 

mile I try to do this thing where I force myself

1:10:21.660,1:10:29.520

to run one mile almost every day and there I just 

think forcing yourself to like break a sweat get

1:10:29.520,1:10:37.620

your heart rate up is so important and I can 

feel it when I don't when I don't I feel like

1:10:38.520,1:10:45.060

cagey I feel a little like more bottled up right 

and when you do it's like you it's it's like a

1:10:45.060,1:10:50.460

release right your your heart rate gets up and 

you just feel like okay I've you know even if

1:10:50.460,1:10:58.080

it's not a like a huge workout it's something 

yeah it's I just want to tap on exercise because

1:10:59.280,1:11:05.700

I've been guilty of not doing it right for long 

times in my life because for the most part I

1:11:05.700,1:11:11.340

never felt like I'm too overweight and that was 

the excuse for me to work out a lot of time I'm

1:11:11.340,1:11:17.220

like okay I'm now overweight I'm fine and then no 

it's not that it's like it's not about how much

1:11:17.220,1:11:23.160

you weighed or not it's it's about how active you 

are and then there was a time where I'm like oh my

1:11:23.160,1:11:30.060

God like so much pain started coming how to remove 

those pain but either by should I just protect

1:11:30.060,1:11:36.480

myself and do nothing or actually in fact do more 

things there are like there are people who go

1:11:36.480,1:11:42.540

like so deep into that like I mean one of our uh 

mutual friends he was telling me like he's doing

1:11:42.540,1:11:50.040

like Jiu-Jitsu on like daily basis with an hour 

and I get it it just takes so much of your focus

1:11:50.040,1:11:57.900

and like your energy that you're like okay like 

I'm done for the day um beside the one mile run

1:11:57.900,1:12:03.900

which I actually think it's it's actually an easy 

thing to uh follow beside that are there any other

1:12:04.620,1:12:10.500

routine exercises or activities that you 

do to keep and help your mental health

1:12:11.340,1:12:16.860

whenever I'm stressed about something I try to 

say hey it's okay whatever this thing is it's like

1:12:16.860,1:12:22.980

it's not that big of a deal it's fine but then 

the other thing is recognizing that like other

1:12:22.980,1:12:28.560

people have gone through what you've gone through 

like our problems while the circumstances might

1:12:28.560,1:12:35.640

be unique to you the problem the underlying thing 

is actually probably not you that unique and many

1:12:35.640,1:12:41.100

people have gone through and what's cool is if you 

believe that you can then use it as an opportunity

1:12:41.100,1:12:45.660

to have a lot of great conversations with other 

people who have probably gone through something

1:12:45.660,1:12:52.740

pretty similar and so while the way in which I 

lost my best friend might not be the same way

1:12:52.740,1:12:58.840

that someone else has dealt with loss is a 

the thing almost everyone has dealt with yeah [Music]

1:13:03.900,1:13:08.820

what would you say to those people that when 

they're even in the stages of degree they say

1:13:08.820,1:13:14.340

you know what like I just lost my dad like let 

me have all the alcohol let me have all this like

1:13:14.340,1:13:19.140

don't don't question this like what would you 

say to them yeah okay yeah absolutely I mean I

1:13:19.860,1:13:25.500

there were times I did that and uh 

I think the first thing is that it's

1:13:26.280,1:13:32.760

normal uh I think a lot of people 

think that uh but and I think it's

1:13:34.440,1:13:41.820

this is where having like outside help was really 

useful because no one will fault you for doing

1:13:41.820,1:13:47.460

that once no one might fault you for doing that 

three times five times I don't know but if that

1:13:47.460,1:13:53.940

becomes like a really routine pattern then that's 

concerning and recognizing like at what point

1:13:53.940,1:13:58.800

does that go from being like hey understandable 

you're going through something really tough too

1:13:59.520,1:14:06.180

no this is now a problem where you're not 

progressing you're not feeling better you're

1:14:06.180,1:14:12.600

not moving on and and it's you know it's it's 

maybe making you you worse off you kind of

1:14:12.600,1:14:18.780

move from like hey an understandable normal thing 

you need a release to this is actually impacting

1:14:18.780,1:14:25.920

your ability to go through the stages of grief I 

think is uh is is important um I also think it's

1:14:27.540,1:14:33.180

you learn a lot about like I feel like I learned 

a lot about delayed gratification going through

1:14:33.180,1:14:40.140

loss because forcing yourself no matter how hard 

it is trying to force yourself to say I'm gonna go

1:14:40.140,1:14:47.580

work out I'm gonna you know maybe today not drink 

my emotions away or something you know whatever

1:14:47.580,1:14:56.340

unhealthy uh thing you might have as a release 

uh food for example um how can you not do that

1:14:56.340,1:15:02.340

thing and go do the thing that makes you happy 

over the long term but it's hard I mean there's

1:15:02.340,1:15:08.940

a level of discipline and and I was certainly 

not not great at that all the time and I think

1:15:08.940,1:15:14.700

just having people in your life that will push 

you and keep you on the right track and keep you

1:15:14.700,1:15:19.260

moving forward while also being understanding 

and knowing that not every day is going to be

1:15:19.260,1:15:24.780

perfect I think that's so important yeah that 

that makes a lot of sense and that that's the

1:15:24.780,1:15:32.760

truth I think uh that's why it makes sense because 

it's it's how natural it is like if you're doing

1:15:33.600,1:15:43.440

if you're five beers in the day it goes after a 

week and then then your the formula that you were

1:15:43.440,1:15:51.960

talking about earlier uh alcohol consumption 

exercise and all this one thing that formula

1:15:51.960,1:15:58.140

is kind of like not working anymore correct 

correct yes that means that you are putting

1:15:58.140,1:16:04.680

more into your body of the things that probably 

is not good for your health much of it and you're

1:16:04.680,1:16:10.860

not getting more good in the relationships and the 

exercise out of it like if you're drunk if you're

1:16:10.860,1:16:15.840

drinking seven days a week it's gonna impact your 

exercise it's gonna impact your blood pressure and

1:16:15.840,1:16:21.300

everything so that's eventually going to impact 

your health so the formula that Brad taught us

1:16:21.300,1:16:27.900

is not gonna work so well that's a good measure 

to know that you're doing it too much and start

1:16:27.900,1:16:38.220

being concerned uh I kind of want to wrap this but 

this this was a great conversation before rapping

1:16:38.220,1:16:45.600

though I kind of want to know like how your uh 

kind of like thinking moving forward like that's

1:16:45.600,1:16:54.780

it that's a loss that happened in 2014 isn't 

it and now like moving forward like what what

1:16:54.780,1:16:59.760

are the things from that event and similar 

events that you heard in your life that you

1:16:59.760,1:17:09.300

would apply learnings from those similar losses 

yeah absolutely um I really think that the uh

1:17:10.980,1:17:19.140

live a life that I'm happy about I'm excited about 

it's have relationships with people that I'm that

1:17:19.140,1:17:27.960

are you know healthy are mutually beneficial are 

like deep and rooted in love and in the ability

1:17:27.960,1:17:34.380

to express yourself and learn and grow and develop 

through other people I mean I read way less than

1:17:34.380,1:17:41.340

I should but I feel like the way I learn is 

through conversation and I feel like if if I

1:17:41.340,1:17:47.400

have a bunch of friends who are much smarter than 

me and I just talk to them that I learn from them

1:17:47.400,1:17:52.020

like they read all these crazy things I'm gonna 

go like you know try to download that from them

1:17:52.020,1:17:58.680

and I think that that's something I love doing and 

I'm so grateful for all of the really thoughtful

1:17:58.680,1:18:07.680

intelligent friendly people in my life that 

helped me learn and grow every day um but I think

1:18:08.220,1:18:13.980

probably the most like the the single biggest 

thing that I've probably learned is just like

1:18:15.780,1:18:22.500

just keep going just keep pushing you 

can do this you can you'll be okay

1:18:23.460,1:18:29.700

and and know that you will come out of 

this a better stronger more thoughtful

1:18:29.700,1:18:38.280

person and with more perspective and better 

relationships like like so much you will you

1:18:38.280,1:18:44.340

can come out so much stronger from a terrible 

terrible loss terrible things happening um

1:18:46.500,1:18:48.360

and the other thing too is a

1:18:50.640,1:18:55.680

things don't always happen for a reason it's 

easy to try to associate meaning with things

1:18:56.640,1:19:04.680

this was just a horrible tragic horrible thing 

that happened there's no meaning to that I mean

1:19:04.680,1:19:09.120

it's just an awful thing that happened and 

I felt like I was trying to figure out what

1:19:09.120,1:19:14.100

did you know what does this mean and it's like 

don't drink and drive that's a bad thing to do

1:19:14.820,1:19:19.920

and but horrible things just happen 

in the world and and I think that

1:19:20.940,1:19:26.400

I tried to you it's easy to go down these 

spirals of being like Oh what does this mean

1:19:26.400,1:19:32.400

there has to be some and it's like no this 

was just a terribly unfortunate thing and

1:19:33.420,1:19:39.360

we got to just keep on keeping on you know 

and as a community of people who knew

1:19:39.360,1:19:45.900

this guy well like we need to band together 

and be stronger people uh you know for for

1:19:46.740,1:19:54.480

and I gotta say like one thing one thing I 

have seen in you specifically uh has been

1:19:55.560,1:20:02.220

how much respect you have for your friendship 

like you you truly like you spend quality time

1:20:02.220,1:20:09.420

with your friends, like even in our conversations 

you're always like 100 in and like just hearing

1:20:09.420,1:20:15.660

your stories and I'm not trying to like connect it 

all to like be the smart person in the room but it

1:20:15.660,1:20:22.380

I truly like what you're saying is I I've seen it 

like not just in that relationship but I've seen

1:20:22.380,1:20:28.320

it in your friendship with other friends like how 

much you care about the spending quality time with

1:20:28.320,1:20:35.100

them one-on-one like a group of smaller friends 

like I've seen that and I think like that to

1:20:35.100,1:20:42.720

me is uh is kind of like a living example of like 

just being a good friend so thank you like yeah

1:20:42.720,1:20:47.700

by the way I mean thank you yeah you're you're 

one of those friends who pulls these things out

1:20:47.700,1:20:53.760

of me I mean I just it's it's incredible like I'm 

so grateful for having people in my life who like

1:20:53.760,1:20:59.460

ask good questions or thoughtful they think 

can like because you I it's amazing how much

1:20:59.460,1:21:05.160

you can learn just from talking to other people 

I mean it's a it is it is literally how I learn

1:21:25.920,1:21:28.680

[Music]

1:21:28.680,1:21:35.040

any closing thoughts any fun 

tips of what Brad would do

1:21:37.500,1:21:42.720

no I mean it if you're going through something, 

if you're going through loss you're going through

1:21:42.720,1:21:52.020

challenge uh you can do it I think you are 

stronger and have more resilience than you

1:21:52.020,1:21:58.440

might ever realize and when you know when you are 

going through a challenging time I think that that

1:21:58.440,1:22:09.900

is when you learn the most about your character 

and your strength and your empathy as a person and

1:22:09.900,1:22:16.500

you know I really think that you 

will come out of this stronger and uh

1:22:16.500,1:22:19.380

it but it's hard to recognize 

that in the moment and just

1:22:20.220,1:22:28.800

go with the process um get help as you as you 

need and uh it'll you know it'll be okay awesome

1:22:28.800,1:22:34.980

thank you so much Brad that's everything great 

thank you for being here and uh taking the drive

1:22:34.980,1:22:42.580

taking the time and everything beautiful great 

conversation and thank you thank you [Music]

1:22:50.760,1:22:56.160

that was our conversation with Brad Winters 

I hope you enjoyed that conversation.

1:22:57.480,1:23:04.140

I also highly recommend if you're suffering 

from any experience that you feel you need some

1:23:04.140,1:23:08.580

support, please contact your medical experts 

please contact your mental health experts.

1:23:09.540,1:23:17.280

As far as the accountability campaign for this 

show, Brad is offering a 1-mile run per day for

1:23:17.280,1:23:24.600

30 days, and he's going to join five of you 

for that to sign up please use the link in

1:23:24.600,1:23:31.680

the notes for this show, and you can sign 

up to join Brad's campaign if you have any

1:23:31.680,1:23:37.140

comments or questions please leave them below we 

would love to get back to you as soon as we can

1:23:37.800,1:23:44.400

thank you for tuning in to our episode one 

this was our show see you on episode 2. goodbye

1:23:48.960,1:23:52.560

[Music]

1:23:52.560,1:23:53.060

[Music]